


In My Head

by textuallyfrustrated



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Based on some cannon events but also not?, Best Friends, Dream Sex, First Dates, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, pining after a friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2020-11-27 07:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20944646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/textuallyfrustrated/pseuds/textuallyfrustrated
Summary: This is a multi-chapter story that I initially posted on Tumblr about a year ago, but I'm finally getting around to posting it here too (I also sort of tabled this story for close to a year and haven't posted the final chapter that I only recently completed yet, so I'll finally be able to give this story some closure when I post the concluding chapter)! There are some minor edits and tweaks that I've made from the original story, but I'm mostly re-posting this story here for archival purposes and to share the story with people who may not have read it on Tumblr initially.I think I'll stagger when I post the chapters just a little bit, but I should have all the chapters posted within a couple weeks or so!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you have not already read this story when it was first post and want to know my inspiration for this particular story, [check out this song <strike>by the love of my life</strike>](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6jxPFtIAnw).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Always there to brush your hair,  
help you pick out what to wear  
I just feel alone, feel alone_

After yet another exasperated sigh from her best mate, Chloe set aside the fashion magazine she had been flipping through and sat upright on the bed she had been laying on while her best mate was distracted with something else on the other side of the room.  
“So, what’s the plan for tonight, Rae? There’s a new movie at the cinema that looks pretty good, if you wanted to do that. We haven’t gone to see a movie in a while and I’d be happy to pay for your ticket, since it was my idea!”  
Chloe sat on the edge of Rae’s bed with her feet hanging over the edge as she waited for Rae’s reply.  
“Actually, I can only hang out for a little while longer,” Rae responded as she turned away from her closet to face Chloe where she was sitting on her bed on the other side of the room.  
“Why? Is your mum making you do something with her tonight? She knows that you and I always have a girl’s night on Friday nights, so I don’t know why she’d make other plans with you. Your mum likes me, so maybe if I talk to her about it, she’d be alright with letting us keep our plans…” Chloe trailed off as she stood from Rae’s bed and began walking across the room to the door to Rae’s room.  
“No, it’s not because of my mum…uh,” Rae added before Chloe stepped outside of her room, “I sort of have a date…with Finn.”  
“Finn…as in Finn Nelson?”  
“It’s not like you or I know any other Finns, do we?” Rae replied with a huff as she turned her attention back to her closet and continued rifling through every article of clothing that she owned.  
“I suppose not…how did this happen? When did this happen?” Chloe asked as she took a seat on the edge of Rae’s bed again.  
“I’m not really sure what brought it on, but Finn and I were just wandering around the record shop on Wednesday, like we do at the end of every month when the shop puts a lot of the records on sale before they get their new shipments in stock. As we were standing at the till waiting to pay for some stuff we both got, he just asked if I wanted to hang out with him tonight.”  
“Well, the two of you hang out all the time, right? What makes this time a date?”  
“Yeah, but normally it’s just common places like the Chippy or the Swan when the gang goes to pass time. Or the record shop. Sometimes either his place or mine if we’re just going to listen to music,” Rae explained. “This time he specifically mentioned that he wanted to ‘go out and do something fun’ with me and he suggested bowling…it seemed quite date-like at the time, but now I’m second-guessing myself. What do you think, Chlo?”  
“Hmm, bowling…really? If it is a date, it’s not a very romantic or sexy one, that’s for sure. I mean, I take my kid cousin bowling when I want to keep him busy and his mum gives me money to get him out of the house for a bit,” Chloe replied with a slight wince when she noticed Rae look back at her with her eyes wide.  
“Oh no!”  
“Bowling is like a fun group thing with friends…”  
“Friends!?!”  
“But I’m not sure about bowling as a date, Rae…I guess it would just depend on the people involved. Some people might like more casual dates. Bowling is pretty inexpensive too, compared to a proper date,” Chloe added with a shrug.  
“This is awful, Chloe! What if I got it all wrong and this isn’t a proper date!”  
“Well, then…Maybe he just sees you as a friend? And wanted to go bowling with you…as mates only.”  
“A friend? I don’t want Finn Nelson as just a friend, Chloe! Should I call and cancel so then I can save myself the embarrassment of showing up and trying to make this into more than what it really is?” Rae asked in distress as she threw herself face-first onto her bed beside where Chloe was sitting.  
“Rae, calm down. You don’t need to cancel your date with Finn. If this is your first time together in a date setting opposed to just ‘hanging out’ I’m sure Finn just chose bowling because it’s relaxed and low stress…for both of you!”  
“Do you really think so?” Rae asked, barely lifting her face from the pillow it was buried in to prevent her question from being muffled.  
“Of course!”  
“So I should go on the date?” Rae asked hopefully as she sat up on the bed and angled her body towards Chloe.  
“Yeah, that way you can know for sure whether he wanted it to be a proper date or if it was something more…platonic. Now come over here, Rae-Rae, I’ll help fix your hair for you,”  
“Thanks, Chloe! I’m so glad that I have you to be my voice of reason and to look out for me,” Rae replied with a smile as she followed Chloe across the room to where she was digging in her bag for whatever tools she thought would be necessary to help style Rae’s hair for her date tonight.  
“Of course, babes. I just want the best for you and to see you happy,” Chloe replied with a tight-lipped smile.  
Chloe helped Rae finish getting ready for her date while the two girls listened to music and continued chatting about any random thing that came to mind. By the time Rae was ready to leave for her date, Chloe decided to follow her out the door and head back to her house as well after wishing her good luck on the date.  
As soon as Chloe walked through the door to her house, she picked up the phone and dialed one of the phone numbers that she has long-since memorized, hoping that the person she was calling would pick up.  
“Hello,” a cheerful voice rang out after only a few rings.  
“Hiya, it’s Chloe! Thank god you picked up the phone,” Chloe replied with a sigh of relief, “are you free to meet me down at the Swan in about an hour?”  
***  
Chloe sat at one of the small booths in the corner of the pub, idly picking at one of the paper beer mats as she waited for the person she was supposed to be meeting to arrive.  
“Hey Chloe! I know it’s a Friday night, but try not to have too much fun alright?” Archie joked lightly as he took a seat at the table across from where Chloe was sitting and set down the drink he had ordered from the bar.  
“Hiya, Archie! I’m so glad that you didn’t already have plans for tonight, because I really didn’t feel like drinking alone.” Chloe replied with a weak smile.  
“I see…Is the rest of the gang coming too or did ya just want it to be the two of us tonight?”  
“Well, Rae and I were hanging out, but then she ditched me for Finn because they’re going on some type of a date or something and I didn’t want my entire night to be ruined because of that,” Chloe explained, making no attempts to hide the annoyance in her voice.  
“Ah, I think I see what is going on now…” Archie trailed off as he took a sip of his cider, “You’re jealous of Rae!”  
“I am not!”  
“Chloe…can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me that you are not interested in Finn as more than a friend? You certainly seemed interested in him when the two of you were kissing at the rave a while back…” Archie said and immediately noticed the subtle shift in Chloe’s facial expression at that unexpected reminder.  
“I don’t see him like that, I swear! Well, at least not anymore…”  
“So you did see him ‘like that’ at some point, right?”  
“Well of course I did, Archie! When Izzy first introduced me to the gang he was just this fit lad that intrigued me because he didn’t immediately try to make a pass at me and I liked that. I thought that Finn and I might be good together—until the rave and afterwards when we both decided that there was something off about the kiss we shared and that we’re best off as just mates—but I’ve moved on. I just…I don’t know…I can’t figure out why I’m as bothered as I am, but I am…”  
“I see…well, could you maybe be jealous of Finn then?” Archie asked in contemplation as he took another drink of his cider.  
“What?!? Are you serious, Archie? I don’t…I mean, I’m not a…Rae and I are, uh, mates—best mates, that’s all,” Chloe hurriedly tried to explain.  
“Relax Chloe, I wasn’t trying to imply nothing, I’m just thinking out loud to help ya figure this out. You may not see Rae in that sort of way, but you could still be jealous of Finn because he’s taking time away from the time you would normally be spending with Rae.”  
“Huh, maybe,” Chloe mumbled after she had visibly calmed down a bit.  
“You did say that you and Rae were supposed to hang out tonight, but she had her date to go on, right?”  
“Well, yeah…”  
“So that could be it! I’ve known Finn since we were both kids and even now sometimes I’ll get a little bothered when he chooses a girl over spending time with me or the rest of the gang. It’s fairly normal, you just need to learn to not let it bother ya,” Archie replied with a smile as he reached across the table to place a reassuring hand over Chloe’s.  
“Maybe you’re right, Archie…I’m sure it’s not a big deal. I just…I just hope she’s enjoying her night out with Finn. She was really nervous and I know that she deserves the best, so Finn better not treat her as anything less than perfect.”  
Archie looked across the table at Chloe as she lifted her drink to her lips and finished off the remainder of her glass, waiting for her to return his gaze.  
“Trust me, Chloe,” Archie began with a small smile when Chloe looked up to meet his eyes, “Finn proper fancies her. I don’t know what’s going to come from their date, but I can tell ya that he’s not going to do anything to hurt her.”  
Chloe gave Archie a small smile of relief and nodded, but was thankful when Archie offered to go get both of them another drink from the bar.  
The two continued drinking and talking about college and their classes until well into the evening when they both decided that it was getting late and they should be headed home.  
Although neither of them brought up the topic of Rae or her date with Finn for the rest of the night, Chloe could not help but notice how frequently her thoughts would linger on the idea of her being jealous of Finn.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Come on, let's sleep in my bed,_   
_Can I just be in my head with you?_

College had been especially hectic for Chloe this past week, so when she finally had a few hours to just enjoy her afternoon Saturday without worrying about anything else, she seized the opportunity to treat herself to a relaxing day at home.  
Chloe was sitting on her bed, three movies into her romantic comedy movie marathon and painting her nails, when she heard a quiet knock at the door of her room.  
“Come in,” Chloe called before looking up from her freshly painted nails and towards the door as it opened slowly, “Oh! I thought you were my mum! What are ya doing here, Rae?”  
“Don’t tell me ya forgot! We agreed to spend today together since our girl’s night plans last night were thrown off by my date with Finn. I’m a bit early, I know, but I hoped you wouldn’t mind,” Rae replied as she walked into the room and set her denim backpack on the floor against the wall before closing Chloe’s door behind her.  
“Of course I don’t mind, Rae! I’m always happy to see ya!”  
Rae sat down on the floor beside Chloe’s bed as Chloe continued painting her nails and the two continued watching the movie that Chloe started before Rae had arrived.  
With her fingernails looking freshly polished and perfect, Chloe beckoned Rae to join her on the bed so they could both watch a movie together from a more comfortable position.  
“So…how did your, uh, date go?” Chloe asked as she looked through the small stack of movies she had to choose from before choosing one that she knew they both liked.  
“It was alright. I think maybe you were right about it not being a proper date, though. I had fun, but I always have fun with Finn and my other mates when I hang out with them. It didn’t feel particularly special, I guess.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry, Rae! I know you were really looking forward to it,” Chloe replied in an attempt to comfort Rae.  
“No need to apologize. I should actually be thanking you for helping me look at the date more realistically so I didn’t set my expectations too high just for me to get hurt.”  
“Of course, babes. I just want the best for you, so I’ll always be here for you when you need me,” Chloe reached across to grab Rae’s hand where it rested on her leg and entwined their fingers together, “no matter what.”  
Chloe lost count of how many movies they had watched—or even what movies they had watched—but before long, both she and Rae were tired and struggling to keep their eyes open.  
“Do you wanna change into our pajamas now? I’m actually feeling pretty tired all of the sudden,” Chloe said as she stood from her bed and stretched her arms and legs that had grown stiff from sitting in the same position for too long.  
“Yeah, that sounds good to me,” Rae replied with a smile as she stood from the bed and walked towards the denim backpack she had brought with her to grab more comfortable clothes to change into.  
“Alright, you can change your clothes in here and I’ll change in the bathroom down the hall, to give you some privacy.” Chloe replied as she stepped out of her bedroom with her pajamas in-hand and gently shut her bedroom door behind her.  
Chloe took her time changing into her soft, pale pink fleece shorts and matching cotton shirt and pulling her hair back into a loose messy bun before walking the short distance back to her bedroom.  
She knocked gently on the door to make sure that Rae was dressed and she could enter the room, but when she did not hear a reply, she quietly cracked open the door.  
When the door was only cracked open slightly, she could clearly see her mate in the middle of changing as she removed her leggings and folded them neatly before placing them into her denim backpack.  
Logically, Chloe knew that she should shut the door or turn away—or do anything except what she was currently doing by staring at her mate through the cracked door as she changed—but Chloe felt like she was frozen and the hand that remained gripping the knob of her door was not moving.  
Trying to remain as quiet as she could so as not to alert Rae of her presence, Chloe watched as Rae pulled on a pair of short black shorts that left almost all of her legs exposed in a way that Rae seldom felt comfortable enough let anyone see.  
As Rae straightened out her slightly oversized band tee that was only slightly shorter than the shorts she wore, she turned slightly and looked over her shoulder towards the bedroom door that was still cracked open.  
“Oh, uh, sorry Rae! Is it alright if I come in now or are ya still changing?” Chloe asked nervously when she knew that she had just been caught.  
“No, you can come inside. I don’t mind,” Rae replied with a smirk.  
Chloe walked inside and removed the jewelry that she had been wearing that day and placed it on her vanity, trying to give herself something to do to keep herself busy because she was still feeling awkward about peeping on her best mate while she changed.  
“Chloe,” Rae sing-songed from behind Chloe, causing her to look over her shoulder.  
When Chloe looked back, she saw Rae laying on her side on Chloe’s bed with one arm propping her head up near the pillows and the other arm draped delicately along her side as she idly ran her hand along the line of her hip.  
“Yeah, Rae?” Chloe stuttered out.  
_Why am I feeling so nervous all of the sudden? And why are my thoughts so incoherent right now?_  
“Come join me,” Rae said as she moved the hand that had been resting on her hip to pat the portion of Chloe’s bed that Rae was not currently occupying.  
“Alright,” Chloe said as she switched on the small lamp beside her bed and turned off the other lights in her room using the switch on the wall—creating a much warmer, more gentle glow in the room.  
Chloe climbed onto the bed and laid down on her back, leaving some space on the bed between her and Rae.  
“So what did you end up doing last night instead of our girl’s night,” Rae asked conversationally, still laying on her side as she faced Chloe.  
“Well…Archie and I met up at the pub for a drink,” Chloe said as she turned onto her side to mirror Rae, since laying on her back and just turning her face to speak to Rae was an uncomfortable position to maintain.  
“Oh, that must have been fun! Was it just you two or did some other people meet you there as well?”  
“It was just us two…Izzy and Chop had plans together as well. I guess it worked out because Archie and I could be pathetic and single together,” Chloe added with a quiet chuckle.  
“Chlo! The two of you are anything but pathetic,” Rae chided gently.  
“That may be so, but that doesn’t change the fact that we’re still the only ones from the gang that were alone and dateless last night,” Chloe added with a shrug.  
“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, Chloe,” Rae began but continued when she noticed Chloe avert her eyes, “Babe, you have nothing to be jealous of. Based on my date with Finn, I don’t think that very much will come from it. And Izzy and Chop are part of the gang first, so they won’t forget about you. I could never forget about you either, Chloe, regardless of what boys there may be in either of our lives.”  
“Thanks, Rae…It’s kind of funny to think that I might have been jealous that you and Finn were on a date last night.”  
“Why is that funny to you?”  
“Well, when I was talking to Archie and he said that I seemed like I was in a bad mood, he accused me of being jealous of you. When I assured him that I don’t think of Finn like that, he accused me of being jealous of Finn, because he was the one on a date with you,” Chloe replied with a small chuckle as she began absentmindedly inspecting her newly painted fingernails during the comfortable silence that was forming between them.  
“Well, were you?” Rae asked quietly after a short stretch of silence had passed.  
“Was I what?” Chloe replied just as quietly, as if speaking any louder would disturb the peaceful comfort that she was feeling as she laid in bed beside her best mate.  
“Where you jealous of Finn because he was on a date with me?” Rae clarified.  
“Oh,” Chloe looked up from her nails and noticed that Rae was looking directly at her, trying to read her reaction to the question as she waited for Chloe to respond.  
“I don’t know…maybe a little bit,” Chloe muttered, unsure whether she wanted to look at Rae to gauge her reaction or look away out of embarrassment at what she had admitted out loud.  
When Rae did not respond after a couple seconds, Chloe began to panic and began trying to figure out how to backtrack and take back what she had just said.  
“I mean, I was just a bit jealous because we always hang out on Friday nights and he had plans with you instead and—” Chloe’s quiet rambling was cut off when Rae reached forward with one of her hands to brush a stray piece of hair behind Chloe’s ear and she gave Chloe a warm smile.  
“Don’t worry, Chlo, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.” Rae reached forward in the space on the bed between their bodies and took Chloe’s hands in hers as she continued, “If I’m being honest as well, I would have much rather had been here, in your bed with you instead.”  
Chloe was surprised to feel heart flutter slightly when Rae gave her a wink and began to ghost her finger tips over Chloe’s hand and wrist as the silence between them grew.  
Chloe liked the feeling of Rae’s soft skin against her hands, perhaps a bit too much, but she still couldn’t bring herself to pull her hands away from Rae.  
She continued watching Rae, unsure what else she could do or say for fear of disrupting Rae’s gentle caresses, and paid close attention to when Rae began humming quietly along to a melody that must have been playing within her head, a slight smile causing her lips to curve upward slightly.  
_Rae has such a pretty smile…so sweet, yet subtle, so you really need to know what to look for in order to notice the smile._  
_Such a pretty smile and such nice, plush, pink lips…_  
_They look so soft. I wonder if they are as soft as they look…_  
When Chloe realized that she had gotten distracted staring at Rae’s lips and had even began angling her head the slightest bit closer to Rae, her cheeks tinted pink and she pulled her hands back from Rae, wrapping them around herself to try to hide and close herself off from the realization that she had allowed herself get carried away thinking about her best mate like that.  
“Is everything alright?” Rae asked in a whisper and Chloe could feel the warmth of her breath on her cheek as she spoke, given their close proximity to each other.  
“Yeah, I think I’m just tired. I’m gonna try going to sleep, I think…” Chloe mumbled.  
“Alright. Good night, Chloe. Sweet dreams,” Rae reached forward and brushed a hand along Chloe’s cheek before tilting her head forward to place a small peck on Chloe’s cheek.  
Rae pulled back after the brief kiss and gave Chloe a sweet smile, but Chloe was still too in shock from the kiss and the feeling of warmth that seemed to linger—as if Rae’s lips were still in direct contact with Chloe’s cheek—to return the smile.  
Rae leaned her head forward yet again, biting her lower lip slightly and slowly glancing between Chloe’s lips and making direct eye contact with Chloe.  
When Chloe gasped quietly, Rae chuckled under her breath and quirked an eyebrow up slightly, giving Chloe all of the power to make the next move.  
_What is Rae doing? Is this some kind of challenge?_  
_Or…is it an invitation..?_  
Before Chloe could overthink things further, she felt herself subconsciously bring her face closer to Rae’s, closing the distance between them as their lips met in a shy, uncertain kiss.  
Chloe pulled back almost immediately, but before she could stutter out the apology that she was trying to form within her head, Rae brought a hand up to Chloe’s cheek, coaxing her face closer to hers as Rae kissed Chloe this time. The kiss began just as gentle and shy as Chloe’s had been, but Rae deepened the kiss only a fraction when she noticed Chloe begin to relax into the kiss a bit more.  
The kiss remained sweet and tender and Chloe began to feel more at-ease before long, so she allowed herself to actually enjoy the kiss.  
In a sudden burst of confidence, Chloe drew back from the kiss slightly to gently nibble Rae’s lower lip and run her tongue across the spot before resuming the kiss as they had been before. To her surprise, this subtle action elicited a pleased sigh from Rae that made Chloe want to do anything she could to keep making Rae sigh like that.  
As their kiss continued, Chloe and Rae continued shifting slightly closer to one another until they had removed nearly all the space between each other on the bed and their legs were slotted together as naturally as if they were meant to fit together.  
Chloe brought her hands up to Rae’s face to caress her cheek before ultimately allowing her hand to linger in the back of Rae’s hair, gently pulling the two even closer as the kiss lost some of the initial sweetness and became more passionate.  
Rae pulled her lips away from Chloe’s—causing her to pout slightly—and moved one of the hands that had been caressing Chloe’s cheek onto the bed on the opposite side of Chloe. With Chloe’s torso on the bed beneath Rae and Rae hovering over her for a moment when the pair both caught their breath, Rae leaned forward again, this time beginning to leave a trail of kisses along Chloe’s jaw and neck leading down towards the portion of her collarbone that was exposed by the neckline of her shirt.  
Chloe sighed gently when Rae’s lips made contact with a spot just below her collarbone, surprising herself with the sounds she was making, but Rae took them as an invitation to explore further and to determine what other sounds she could pull from Chloe.  
“Oh my god, Rae,” Chloe sighed as Rae found a particularly sensitive spot just below Chloe’s neck and proceeded to alternate between kissing and sucking gently at the soft skin.  
Rae chuckled quietly against Chloe’s skin, taking Chloe’s response as a sign to keep going.  
“Wait, Rae…holy shit! Please…stop for a second,” Chloe begged despite her desire for Rae to keep doing exactly what she was doing.  
“What’s wrong, Chlo? Do you not like when I do this?” Rae asked quietly, giving Chloe a teasing kiss in the same spot.  
“Fuck…no, I love it,” Chloe replied breathily as she tried to regain some semblance of composure in order to speak.  
“What is it then?” Rae asked as she angled herself away from Chloe to give her a bit more space, despite her torso still being propped up above her.  
“I just—uh…before this gets too far and we do something that we’ll regret later…what are we doing here, Rae?”  
“We’re doing anything that you wanna, Chloe. I want you to enjoy yourself too,” Rae said as she leaned down to place a gentle kiss on Chloe’s lips before continuing, “So please tell me if you want me to stop or do something different. Or if you want more—”  
“I want more,” Chloe said immediately.  
“More of what? Tell me what you want, Chlo,” Rae said as she brought a hand to Chloe’s face and angled her head to look at her fully.  
“I want you, Rae. I want…I want anything and everything that you’re willing to give me,” Chloe replied, surprising herself with the honesty of her statement.  
“Alright, your wish is my command,” Rae replied as she leaned forward and resumed her exploration of Chloe’s neck and collarbone with her lips, avoiding the spot she knew would drive Chloe wild.  
“Rae, stop teasing me! Please!” Chloe begged as she arched her back up off the bed and pressed her chest against Rae’s as Rae shifted her legs until she had a leg on each side of Chloe’s hips, straddling her as their lips met in a heated kiss that was nothing like the gentle, sweet kisses from before.  
Rae’s lips returned to Chloe’s collarbone, finding Chloe’s favorite spot almost immediately, causing Chloe to gasp quietly as she wrapped her arms around Rae’s waist to pull her closer to her, desperate for any space between them to be gone.  
Chloe continued panting as Rae kissed her neck and she began feeling her way up the soft skin of Rae’s back beneath her shirt, taking her time to reverently caress every part of Rae that her hands encountered on their path.  
Chloe felt Rae’s hands drift down towards the hem of her shirt and begin to lift it slightly, and Chloe began to nod preemptively, in anticipation of the question she was likely going to ask.  
“Chlo, Can I..?”  
“Oh my god. Yes, please do…”  
Rae grabbed the hem of Chloe’s shirt and slowly began to pull it over her head when Chloe pulled away from Rae and lifted her arms to make it easier for Rae, making sure to caress all of Chloe’s torso in its entirely.  
Chloe was impatient and finished pulling the shirt over her head before tossing it across the room, not at all caring where it had ended up.  
Rae raked her eyes across Chloe’s exposed torso as she laid beneath her on the bed wearing only a bra, lustily biting her lower lip as she appreciated the sight in front of her before leaning forward again to meet her lips with Chloe’s.  
“Oh my god…you’re so amazing, Chloe.” Rae mumbled against Chloe’s lips between kisses.  
During the heated kiss, Chloe brought her hands up to the smooth skin of Rae’s thighs and began to massage and caress every bit of exposed skin she could get her hands on as she worked her way up towards Rae’s hips.  
Chloe panted between kisses, hands gripping wildly at Rae’s hips and thighs in an effort to keep touching her and desperately trying to catch her breath but unwilling to stop kissing Rae for longer than was absolutely necessary.  
When Rae finally pulled away from the kiss and tuned to lay on her back beside Chloe on the bed to catch her breath, Chloe immediately climbed over Rae to straddle her hips and began kissing along Rae’s neck and collarbone, refusing to break contact with Rae in the heat of the moment.  
“Hmm, yes…right there, Chloe,” Rae replied, still slightly out of breath, as Chloe’s kisses began to dip further below the neckline of Rae’s band tee.  
Chloe smiled against Rae’s collarbone before continuing her alternating pattern of kissing and gently sucking on Rae’s perfect, pale pink skin, anticipating the scattered marks that her ministrations were likely to leave behind.  
“Oh! Chloe!” Rae called out loudly as Chloe began kissing further down her body and one hand went to the back of Chloe’s hair to help steer her in the direction of where Rae wanted her most.  
Chloe complied more than willingly and allowed Rae’s hand in her hair to guide her head lower until she was in the perfect spot to place gentle kisses on the inside of Rae’s thighs, making Rae’s other hand grip the sheets of Chloe’s bed tightly.  
“Chloe!” Rae began panting in a prayer-like chant as Chloe continued kissing her inner thighs and worshiping the girl beneath her that was writhing in pleasure and anticipation.  
“Chloe!”  
“Chloe!”  
***  
“Chloe!”  
Chloe’s eyes snapped open suddenly and she had to take a moment to look around her room and remember where she was.  
Chloe sat up in her bed, flushed and thoroughly breathless from the dream she had been having, and her stomach dropped.  
_Wait…that was just a dream?_  
_What happened between Rae and I…could I really have dreamt all of that?_  
_It had all felt so real…_  
“Chloe Gemmell!” called a voice loudly from the opposite side of Chloe’s closed bedroom door followed by a loud knock.  
“What, mum?” Chloe called through the closed door.  
“I’ve been calling you name for ages! Did you really not hear me or are you just ignoring me? There’s someone on the phone for ya!”  
“Oh, uh, sorry Mum. I must have been pretty deeply asleep. Who’s on the phone?”  
“It’s Rae.”  
As soon as Chloe’s mum said Rae’s name, Chloe’s stomach began to turn and a wave of nausea came over her.  
“I’m not feeling so great, mum, and I don’t really feel like talking right now. Can you just tell her that I’m feeling ill or asleep or not here or something?”  
“Are you and Rae fighting? Just the other day you two were inseparable and now you don’t wanna talk to her. I thought you two were best friends,”  
_Yeah…best friends…_  
_But then again, a real best friend really wouldn’t dream about hooking up with their best friend._  
_Would they?_  
“No, we’re alright, mum. I’m just really not feeling well. Can ya at least tell her that I can give her a call back later? Please?”  
“Alright, Chloe, I’ll tell her. If you’re not feeling well, I can bring you some tea. Do you want anything to eat with your tea?”  
“Oh, no. I don’t need tea or food or anything, Mum. I honestly just want to be alone and I might try to go back to bed to sleep it off,”  
Chloe’s mum hummed in acknowledgment from the other side of the door before walking down the hall.  
When Chloe could hear her mum pick up the phone and explain to the person on the other line that Chloe was feeling ill and would try to call her back later, she sunk back down beneath the covers of her bed.  
_Why did I dream about that?_  
_Rae is my best mate and I care about her…so why would my subconscious make me dream that Rae and I were more than just friends?_  
A quiet knock at the door signaled Chloe’s mum walking into the room with a mug of tea in one hand a small plate with toast and jam in the other.  
“I think you’ll feel better if you have something in your stomach, so I just made you some tea and toast, but it’s better than nothing.”  
“Thanks, mum,” Chloe replied as she took the offered tea and plate from her mum and set them on the small table beside her bed so she could sit upright on her bed.  
Chloe’s mum took a seat at the foot of Chloe’s bed and looked at her daughter in concern.  
“You really don’t look so well, Chloe. Your cheeks are flushed and you look like you may be running a fever or something. Were you feeling ill last night when you went out with your friend?”  
“Not really, no. I think there is a flu going around at college, so I might have caught that,” Chloe explained, adding in a fake cough in an attempt to convince her mum.  
“Okay, perhaps you’re right. Alright, I’ll let you rest now, dear. Let me know if you need anything,” Chloe’s mum said as she gave her daughter a kiss on the top of her head before leaving the bedroom and closing the door behind her.  
As Chloe began sipping the tea and nibbling on the toast, her mind was racing with the same recurring question: Why?  
_Why did I dream about that?_  
_Why does this dream bother me as much as it does?_  
_And…_  
_Why am I so upset that the dream was only just a dream?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The spacing in this chapter is kinda wonky, but I'm trying to fix it. Please be patient with me ._.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Even when you're next to me_   
_It's not the way I'm picturing_   
_I'm just feeling low_

Chloe had managed to avoid all of Rae’s calls for the rest of the weekend and had even been able to dodge calls and offers to go out with the rest of the gang, but on Monday morning, she knew that she had no other choice but to face the gang—including her best mate that had inadvertently been the cause of her recent turmoil.  
She had tried denying that the dream she had about Rae meant anything, but the more that Chloe remembered how much she had wished the dream was real, she knew that there had to be something more to it.  
When Chloe finished getting ready for college, she came downstairs and saw her mum in the kitchen making herself a brew.  
“Good morning, Chloe. Are you feeling better today?” Chloe’s mum asked.  
“Feeling better...?” Chloe asked as she began making herself some toast to eat before she had to leave for college.  
“Yeah, you hardly left your room all weekend and every time one of your mates would call you’d ask me to tell them that you weren’t feeling well and would call them back,” Chloe’s mum replied with a look of concern on her face as she stood beside her daughter sipping her coffee.  
“Oh, right. Yeah, I’m feeling better. It must have just been a flu or something that took a couple days to run its course,” Chloe reasoned as she placed the hot toast onto a plate and began to spread her favorite type of jam on each slice.  
“I see. Well, were you feeling sick at all when you were with Rae Friday night?”  
“Rae actually had a date on Friday so I only spent the afternoon with her. That evening I made plans to meet up with Archie and I was feeling fine, but I guess whatever it was came over me pretty quickly.”  
“Perhaps…you mentioned that Rae had a date. Who with?” Chloe’s mum asked as she took a seat at the table and angled her chair to face her daughter where she stood beside the counter.  
“Finn.”  
“Really?” Chloe’s mum asked in surprise, “The Nelson boy? As in your mate, Finn?”  
“Yeah, he’s the only Finn that we know, so…” Chloe replied with a dismissive shrug.  
“Oh, well…good for her! He’s a very handsome young man and Rae is…well, she’s Rae, I suppose,” Chloe’s mum said as she took a long sip of her coffee to mask her shock.  
_What is that supposed to mean, mum?_  
_Rae is perfect and deserves so much better than Finn fucking Nelson!_  
_He’s the lucky one for getting to spend even one minute with Rae and…_  
“Oh, uh, yeah…I’m sure both of them had a lot of fun on their date. I should be heading out now. I’ll see you later, Mum,” Chloe mumbled as she pulled her backpack on by one strap using her free hand while holding her last slice of toast in her other hand.  
Chloe walked out of the house, only vaguely aware of her mum calling out to have a nice day at college as she hurried out the door.  
Chloe knew that after dodging their calls all weekend, the gang would all be looking for her, so she was careful to leave for college much earlier than she normally would so she could take the long route to college and ensure that she would not cross paths with them before she was fully ready to face them.  
When Chloe got to college, she could see the last group of students entering the building, suggesting that class would be starting soon.  
Luckily, Chloe knew that her first class of the day was on the opposite side of the building from the rest of the gang’s, which made avoiding the gang much easier, since wherever the gang is, Rae is likely to be close by as well and she just can’t stand to look her in the eye yet.  
More so than just the awkwardness of having a sex dream about her best mate that she has known since they were both kids, Chloe was still feeling conflicted and confused about the dream because she feared that the dream had sparked feelings and questions that she had never explored or taken time to consider before.  
_I love Rae._  
_Of course I love Rae, everyone in the gang does…_  
_But do I love her like a best mate or a sister or like a lover?_  
_I have no clue, but I do know that until I can figure it all out, I’m gonna have to avoid Rae at all costs!_  
As Chloe turned the corner to get to her French class, she ran directly into someone else, nearly causing them both to drop their books that they were carrying.  
“Oh! I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going—” Chloe began to apologize, but when she looked up to see who stood in front of her, her throat went completely dry.  
“Chlo! I’m so glad that I ran into you…well, not literally, but I was hoping to catch you before your first class. I thought you had died or skipped town or something!” Rae replied with a chuckle as she adjusted her hold on the small stack of books that she was carrying.  
“Oh, I wasn’t feeling well this weekend,” Chloe muttered while looking at the other students passing by them in the hallway to avoid making eye contact with Rae.  
“Yeah, your mum told me that much, but she said you couldn’t even talk on the phone whenever I rang you…” Rae replied and without even having to look at her, Chloe could hear the sadness and hurt in her voice.  
“Yeah, she wanted to let me rest and I told her that I would try calling you all back if I felt better.”  
“Oh…well, are you feeling better today?” Rae asked as she reached across and placed a reassuring hand on Chloe’s shoulder.  
“Suppose so…” Chloe mumbled, trying to disguise her subtle shrug to shake Rae’s hand off of her shoulder as an effort to adjust the straps on her backpack.  
“Are you sure?” Rae asked, clearly not believing the facade that Chloe had put up. “I know we normally meet up to work on homework after college on Mondays, but if you want to take this week off to get more rest, I understand.”  
“Yeah!” Chloe replied a bit too quickly, causing her to wince internally when she looked at Rae and could see the hurt on her face, “I mean…I think that may be best if we take this week off from studying.”  
“Oh, okay…well I gotta get to class, but I’ll see you later, right?”  
Chloe nodded and replied with a noncommittal sound before slipping past where Rae stood in front of her and walking into her French class before their conversation could go on any further.  
For the rest of the day, when Chloe was not in class, she was on the lookout for Rae and the rest of the gang and doing everything in her power to avoid crossing paths with them.  
Chloe had almost forgotten why she was avoiding the gang until she saw Rae take a seat at the table outside alongside Finn, Izzy, and Archie. She quickly turned on her heel, preferring to skip lunch opposed to sitting with the gang if that’s what it came down to; however, she couldn’t shake the feelings of guilt when she heard Izzy calling her name as she turned and walk back inside the building.  
After lunch, Chloe was finally able to relax, since she knew that the rest of the gang did not have any classes nearby hers for the rest of the day, so she did not have to constantly be on high alert.  
_Avoiding the gang is exhausting and I feel terrible for doing it…_  
_But I also don’t think I can stand to talk to Rae again, based on how tense our prior conversation had been before class this morning._  
When Chloe’s final class of the day was dismissed, she gathered her books and walked out of the classroom with all the other students and into the crowded main hallway.  
As she was walking through the hallway, Chloe saw Rae walking in the opposite direction, directly towards where she was. Chloe was fairly certain that she had seen Rae before Rae could see her, but rather than risk it, she took the opportunity to slip into the library to avoid being seen by her best mate.  
Walking further into the library, Chloe noticed a few people from her French class sitting at a table and studying and quickly walked over to them and asked to join their study group.  
She cast a quick glance over her shoulder, just to be sure that she had made it there unseen, but soon joined in on her classmates as they were discussing the content that was introduced that morning in class.  
“This morning, Professeure Martin mentioned that chapters one through three would be covered on the exam next week, but she also said that there were a few concepts from chapter four that will be included on the exam, since we are not going through the entire chapter,” Chloe explained to her classmates as she pulled her notes from class that morning out of her bag to be able to better answer some of the questions that they were asking her.  
“Chloe?”  
As soon as Chloe heard her name, her stomach dropped and she hesitantly glanced over her shoulder to see Rae standing a short distance away from the table she was sitting at.  
Despite not wanting to talk to Rae alone just yet, she knew that it would be rude to interrupt the others who were studying, so she excused herself from the table and walked over to the magazine display shelf that Rae was standing next to.  
“Rae,” Chloe said in greeting when she stood as far away from Rae as she could justify.  
“Hiya! I thought I saw you walk into here,” Rae replied with a smile as she set aside the magazine she had been casually thumbing through.  
“Oh, uh, yeah…”  
“Um, okay…well I just wanted to see if you wanted to walk home together, since we’re not going to study at yours today.”  
“Oh, I’m…I’m actually gonna study here in the library for a while…” Chloe said as she cast a glance over her shoulder in the direction of the table she had been sitting at moments before.  
“Oh.”  
“Yeah, we have a big exam coming up in French and I’ve been struggling, so I wanted to come in here and study with some of the other people in my class.”  
“In French class? I thought you were doing really well in that class. Just last week you were bragging about how your teacher always adds comments about how good the work you turn in is…”  
“Yeah, that was before, but now I’m having some trouble. We learned some new material this morning that I don’t understand, so I was gonna help some people from my class with the other stuff and they were gonna help me practice what we covered in class today.”  
“Oh, okay. That’s fine. If you need to study for that, I get it,” Rae replied with disappointment clear in her voice, “If you’re feeling alright later tonight, you can ring me if you wanna chat.”  
Chloe half-heartedly nodded in reply and Rae gave her a small, tight-lipped smile before walking away.  
Chloe walked back to the table and took a seat with her French classmates, trying to pick up on the currently topic of conversation so she could jump back in and study with them however, the last thing on Chloe’s mind was the latest assigned chapter in her French class.  
With a deep sigh in an effort to put aside everything Rae-related that had been weighing heavily on her mind for the last four days, Chloe opened up her French textbook and found the page her classmates were all referring to as she listened to the questions they were asking.  
“If any of you need help understanding what we discussed in class this morning, let me know. I took a French Literature course last year, so what Professeure Martin taught in class was mostly review for me,” Chloe explained before all her classmates began talking over each other to ask any and all questions that they had for her.  
_I don’t know how much longer I can keep all of this up…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...let's just pretend that it hasn't been about a month and a half since the last time I updated this story.
> 
> Life just sort of has a way of sneaking up on you and throwing you curve balls from time to time, so I've had a lot going on but I've been doing the best I can to juggle everything.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And it breaks my heart, yeah it breaks my heart_   
_I do this every single time, every time..._

Monday after college, Chloe had been able to avoid more calls from the gang with the excuse that she was genuinely not at home because she was still in the library studying with her classmates from French class until well into the evening, but she knew that she could not keep dismissing their calls and sneaking around college just to avoid seeing them.  
The next morning on her walk to college, Chloe took her usual route, bracing herself for the possibility that she would see Rae and the rest of the gang, since they all normally took this same route and walked the last of the way to college as a group.  
As she neared the small coffee shop that they often used as a meeting point for their walks to college in the morning, she was surprised to only see Izzy approaching from a ways up the street, coming from the opposite direction that Chloe did.  
“Chloe! Good morning! I wasn’t sure if I was gonna see you walking to college today, since I didn’t see you yesterday,” Izzy said with a wide grin as walked closer and pulled Chloe into a tight hug.  
“Yeah, sorry about that, Izz. I left my house at a different time than I normally would yesterday, so I guess our paths just didn’t cross,” Chloe replied truthfully when the two separated from the hug. “Where is the rest of the gang?”  
“Rae and Finn mentioned something about stopping at the record shop before college because of some exclusive sale they’re having today only. I don’t know where Archie is, but knowing him, he’ll still be at college by the time we get there,” Izzy replied with a giggle.  
“Yeah, most likely. For all we know, Archie could already be at college, just waiting at our usual table for when we get there,” Chloe joked as the two started walking together in the direction of college.  
“So what were you up to this weekend, Chloe? I called you a couple times and I know some of the others called too, but your mum said you were feeling ill. Are you alright now?”  
“Uh, yeah, I was feeling sick most of the weekend and I asked my mum to just tell all of you that I would call you back later. I’m feeling a little better now, I think…”  
_At least, I hope so._  
Chloe had spent a large portion of the previous night trying to make sense of the situation with Rae, fully aware that it was only a matter of time before the two would need to talk since this was the longest they had gone without really speaking to one another over the course of their entire friendship.  
After a long restless night of tossing and turning in bed, Chloe realized that she could not keep avoiding thinking about the dream and pretending that it hadn’t happened, since it was clearly bothering her on a much deeper level than she had thought initially.  
_Rae and I are best mates, no matter what._  
_I’ve never had a dream like that before._  
_And I’ve never dreamt about Rae like that either._  
_But I didn’t dislike the dream, per say._  
_What does this mean though?_  
_Does it mean that I like girls?_  
_Does it mean that I’m interested in Rae?_  
_Does this mean that she and I can’t be friends anymore, since I might see her as more than just my best mate?_  
“Hello, Chloe! Are you listening to me?” Izzy asked as she bumped her shoulder against Chloe as the pair walked side-by-side, pulling Chloe from her thoughts.  
“Yeah, sorry Izz! I got a bit lost in my thoughts, I guess. What were ya saying?”  
“It’s alright. I was saying that I got the new issue of Cosmopolitan magazine this weekend and I saved it to read it with you, if you wanna look at it with me when we get to college.”  
“Oh, I’d like that! Thank you, Izzy!” Chloe replied with a smile.  
As the pair got to college and approached the table outside that they always sat at with the gang, they were surprised to see that the table was still empty.  
“Huh, it looks like we may have beaten Archie here too,” Izzy mused as she took a seat and opened her backpack to pull out the magazine she had been looking forward to reading.  
Chloe took a seat beside Izzy and glanced occasionally at the pictures and articles in the magazine as Izzy kept flipping through the pages and pointing out things that she found particularly interesting.  
“Oh! Look at this article, Chloe! ‘What are your dreams trying to tell you about your life?’ How cool is that?” Izzy asked excitedly as she began reading through the article.  
“Yeah, that is pretty cool,” Chloe replied in an attempt to feign nonchalance, “what kind of stuff does it talk about?”  
“Oh, it talks about how things that happen in dreams and who you dream about can reflect certain aspects of your real life. For example, if you dream about falling, it is an indication of insecurity, instability, and anxiety.”  
“Yeah? That’s so interesting.”  
“What was the last thing you dreamed about, Chloe? Maybe this article can tell us more about it!” Izzy replied cheerfully as she angled her body to face Chloe a bit more directly.  
“I had a dream that I slept with someone that I know,” Chloe blurted before she even realized what she had said.  
“Ooh, how scandalous of you, Chloe! Let’s see,” Izzy replied with a wink before using a finger to skim through the article, “it says that if you dreamed about having sex with your boss or someone in a position of power, it can mean that you are craving more power and respect.”  
“Huh, that makes sense, I guess,” Chloe replied distractedly.  
“It also says that if you dreamed that you slept with a close friend or your bestie, it can mean that your subconscious just really admires them, apparently.”  
Chloe looked over at the page of the magazine that Izzy had been reading off of, needing to read it herself in order to fully comprehend what Izzy had just said.  
Chloe read through that section of the article multiple times, committing it to memory, until a smile spread across her face.  
“That’s really cool, Izzy. I love knowing that the dreams we have might not be as random as they seem!”  
“Yeah, this stuff is really interesting! So…are you gonna tell me who ya had a sexy dream about?” Izzy asked with a gentle nudge to Chloe’s side.  
Before Chloe had the chance to respond at all, they heard Archie calling their names from across the courtyard as he walked towards the two girls where they were sitting at the table.  
“Good morning, Izzy and Chloe! It’s so nice to see you both…especially you, Chloe! The gang and I thought that you might have found a cooler group of people to talk to and forgotten about us all!”  
“Oh, you know that I could never forget you all, Archie! You’re the coolest people I know.”  
“Oh, I know that. I just wasn’t sure if you knew that or not,” Archie replied with a chuckle.  
Archie sat down at the table across from Izzy and Chloe and scoffed at the two girls as they discussed some of the articles and makeup or fashion advice in the rest of the magazine.  
The two girls had just finished looking through the entire magazine when it was time for them to start heading to class, so the three friends parted ways to go to their respective classes.  
***  
Tuesday afternoons Chloe and Archie have a free period in their class schedules at the same time and prior to all of the recent internal conflict Chloe had been dealing with that had led her to steer clear of the gang, the pair would always spend this time studying together.  
Determined to stop running from her problems, Chloe walked through the library towards a table near the back that she and Archie had unofficially claimed as theirs so they could speak freely without disturbing the other library visitors. When she got to the table and saw Archie already sitting down with the latest book that he had been reading open and holding his full attention, Chloe rolled her eyes and walked around to the opposite side of the table, dropping her backpack onto the wooden table loudly.  
“Oh! There you are! I wasn’t sure if I was going to see you here today,” Archie replied with a start when the sudden sound of the backpack hitting the table caught him off-guard.  
“Of course I’m here! We spend every free period on Tuesdays together,” Chloe replied with a shrug as she opened up her backpack to pull out her notebook where she had been working on the first draft of a paper for her literature class earlier that morning.  
“Well, you also don’t typically dodge the gang’s calls for days on end, but that’s what you’ve been doing as of lately,” Archie replied with a quirk of his eyebrow as he looked across the table at a very guilty-looking Chloe.  
“I wasn’t feeling well.”  
“I know. Or, at least, that’s what your mum told me and the gang every time we tried ringing you this weekend. But honestly, Chloe…when has you being sick stopped you from being able to talk on the phone or hang out with the gang? I think we both know that that excuse is rubbish.”  
Archie waited for Chloe to meet his eye contact and stop fiddling with her pen in order to keep her distracted, but when she continued staring down at the open notebook in front of her, Archie sighed and shook his head.  
“I can explain, Archie…” Chloe mumbled, trailing off as she began lazily doodling in the margin of her notebook while trying to gather her thoughts.  
“Alright, explain then,” Archie began as he leaned away from the table and crossed his arms over his chest, “the last I heard from you before this morning was when we went to the pub Friday night. What happened between then and now that’s made you so distant?”  
“Well, uhm, it’s sort of complicated…I’m not sure how to explain it,” Chloe replied as she set aside her notebook and began anxiously tapping her pen on the table while she debated how to answer his question.  
“What’s so complicated? Whatever it is that’s bothering you, Chlo, you can tell me. I’m your friend and I might joke around but I’m not going to actually judge you for it—”  
“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Chloe muttered under her breath.  
“Chloe, be serious. The gang and I are all worried about ya and yesterday Rae said that she saw you a couple times and there seemed to be something going on with you. She was concerned, but she didn’t want to bring it up unless you wanted to talk about it first, but we all know that there’s something going on. Rae wants to help…we all want to help, if you’ll let us.”  
“Ugh, why does Rae have to be such a good person?” Chloe scoffed before pointing an accusatory finger across the table at Archie, “This is all your fault, by the way!”  
“My fault? How is any of this my fault?”  
“You’re the one that planted the idea in my head at the pub on Friday! Up until that point, the thought had never even crossed my mind and then after that I haven’t been able to think about anything else.”  
“Uh, I’m still lost here, Chloe. What did I say to you?”  
“You said that I was jealous of Finn for being on a date with Rae!” Chloe whispered loudly when she realized that the volume of their conversation had been steadily increasing despite them being inside a library.  
“I—er, what? That’s what has been bothering you for the past few days? That you might have been feeling a little jealous of Finn and Rae’s date the other night…really?”  
“It’s not just that. Not exactly, anyways…”  
“Okay, well, what else is bothering you? Did something else happen?”  
“You could say that,” Chloe sighed heavily before continuing, “After I got back from the pub with you, I kept thinking about what you had said and about the possibility that I was jealous of Rae or Finn or both, or whatever.”  
“Uh, okay,” Archie replied, nodding for Chloe to keep explaining.  
“Well…I guess it was really weighing heavily on my mind and my subconscious sort of blew things out of proportion because that night I sort of, uh, had a dream that I…hookedupwithRaeandIlikedit.” Chloe rushed out the end of the sentence and immediately buried her face in the fabric of her backpack to hide the look of shame and embarrassment that she could tell was evident on her face.  
“You had a dream about what, Chloe? You mumbled the last part and I don’t think I heard you correctly.”  
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, you’re really gonna make me say this out loud again, huh? I said that I had a dream that I had sex with Rae…and I liked it,” Chloe replied quietly but still clear enough that Archie could understand what she said this time.  
“Oh! I see,” Archie replied with a slight eyebrow raise as he cleared his throat to hide the surprise of his reaction, “You liked it as in…in the dream or in real life?”  
“I don’t know. Both, I guess. Maybe,” Chloe mumbled.  
“Okay, well…that’s not as bad as I had prepared myself for,” Archie replied with a small chuckle.  
“Really, Archie? I just admitted that I fantasized about sleeping with my best mate—who I’ve known almost my whole life and is also a girl—and you don’t think it’s a big deal?”  
“I didn’t say that it wasn’t a big deal. Clearly this is upsetting you, so it’s a big deal to you and that’s what matters. But it’s not the end of the world, Chloe.”  
“How do you know? I’ve spent the last four days avoiding Rae and the rest of you because I can’t even look her in the face and I don’t know what to say to her. Part of me feels like such a creep for having a dream like that about my best mate in the entire world. But there’s a part of me that I think enjoyed the dream and was actually upset that it was only a dream. How am I supposed to move on from this when I feel bad for having the dream and yet part of me still wishes that it had been real?”  
“Well…do you have feelings for Rae in that way?”  
“I didn’t think that I did, but after that dream, I’m not even sure anymore.”  
Chloe and Archie sat at the table in silence for a few moments before Archie cleared his throat and began talking quietly.  
“Finn was the first boy that I had a crush on. Well, other than Tom Cruise when he was picked as the Sexiest Man Alive, but Finn was the first boy my age that I liked.”  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, but it actually makes a lot of sense when I think about it. Finn is handsome now, but he’s always been cute. He was good at sports and he was funny. He used to be even more shy and quiet than he is now, but he was my best mate and he would always talk to me. I felt like I was the lucky one for being one of the few people at school to get to know the real Finn.”  
Chloe nodded and allowed Archie to keep speaking.  
“No one else knew him like I knew him and in my mind at the time, that was reason enough as to why I liked him and why my crush on him was more meaningful than any of the other girls that would try to kiss his cheek or hold his hand on the playground to make him blush.”  
“How long did your crush last?”  
“It was in the back of my mind for a while, but I was only really aware of it for about two years.”  
“What happened then?”  
“Similarly to you, I was freaking out about it and so I decided to tell Finn.”  
“You told him?” Chloe asked in surprise.  
“Yeah. It seemed like the best idea at the time, I suppose.” Archie replied with an embarrassed chuckle.  
“What happened after you told him?”  
“Well, we were in his bedroom and I randomly burst out crying and confessed to him that I liked him and that I was confused and that I was sorry for ruining our friendship. I vowed to leave as soon as I calmed down because I didn’t want to ride my bike down the street while I was sobbing. He just sat there for a minute and then he wrapped me in a hug to calm me down. I apologized again and he told me to stop apologizing and to stop saying that I ruined our friendship, because I didn’t. He told me we could talk about it a bit later, when I was ready to talk more, but in the meantime he told me to go ask his Nan to help us make cookies.”  
“That’s it?”  
“Yeah…pretty much.”  
“And then what?”  
“Well, I talked it over with him a bit more later on and he was understanding and didn’t freak out on me or anything like that. I thought I was doomed to have a crush on my best mate for the rest of my life, but then Wesley showed up…”  
“Who was Wesley?”  
“The new student in our class whose family had just moved to Stamford from London. He was tall and lanky, but had the prettiest green eyes I had ever seen and he was one of the smartest boys in our level. He’s the one that actually got me more interested in history and reading, since we became pretty decent friends during the two years that he spent at our school before his family moved again.”  
“So what you’re saying is that I’m going to maybe have a crush on Rae until someone else catches my attention? And until then I’ll just have to wait it out and pretend that I’m not interested in my best mate and that I don’t clearly remember the way that I was able to make her call out my name in the dream that I had…yeah, that sounds pretty reasonable,” Chloe scoffed with an eye roll.  
“Oh, I, uh—” Archie stuttered in response to Chloe’s blunt statement, “I’m not saying that is what you have to do. It’s just one possible outcome of the situation from someone that’s been in that position before.”  
“I don’t want to keep avoiding Rae.”  
“So then don’t. She’s your best mate, Chloe. If there is anyone that you can be open and honest with, it would be Rae. I have a feeling that she would handle whatever you tell her—even if you don’t tell her the full extent of what happened—fairly well.”  
The bell signaling that the class period had ended rang and both Chloe and Archie stood from the table to gather their belongings before heading to their respective next classes.  
“Maybe you’re right,” Chloe said as she gathered her books into her arms, “All I know is that I want my best mate back.”  
Archie and Chloe walked together out of the library and said their goodbyes before heading to their classes down opposite hallways of the school.  
***  
Chloe had agreed to spend lunch with her classmates from French class to help them study for the exam that they had the following week, so she was able to avoid seeing Rae and the rest of the gang all in one place for a little longer; however, as she walked out of the building after her final class ended, she took a seat at the table that the gang always sat at during lunch or in the mornings before class.  
She normally spent Tuesday afternoons with the gang, so her mum was not expecting Chloe to be home any time soon; however, Chloe had also been avoiding the gang’s calls for long enough that she had no clue if they had still made plans to meet up without her.  
Chloe knew that she should be getting home soon so the time she was not spending with the gang could be used to study or do something more productive than sulk, but she needed time to process everything that she had talked about with Izzy and Archie earlier that day.  
_Izzy and her magazine article about dreams had made me feel a lot better about the whole situation…_  
_But then I spoke to Archie and I’m feeling confused all over again._  
_I do admire Rae and we spend almost all our time together—or at least we used to—so the dream theory makes sense._  
_But what if there’s still more to it?_  
_I know that I need to swallow my pride and actually talk to Rae, but I don’t even know what to say to her._  
_Do I tell her everything? Do I tell her anything?_  
_How will Rae react to hearing that her best mate might fancy her?_  
Chloe remained sitting at the table with her elbows propped up on the table and her chin resting on her hands with her eyes closed as her train of thought became progressively more derailed.  
She was pulled from her thoughts, however, when she felt a tentative hand placed on her shoulder and heard someone saying her name.  
“Oh! Uh, hiya,” Chloe said when she looked up to see Finn standing beside the table with his bag swung over one shoulder.  
“How’s it going, Chloe? The gang and I haven’t really seen or heard from you much over the last few days,” Finn added as he set down his bag and took a seat on the opposite side of the table across from Chloe.  
“Yeah, I know. Sorry about that, by the way. I’ve just been—I’ve had a lot going on lately, I guess.” Chloe replied with a quick huff.  
“Do you want to talk about it? I might not know what to say or give as good advice as Archie or the girls might, but I’ve been told I’m a good listener,” Finn replied with a small smile.  
“Oh, I don’t know…It’s really not that big of a deal, really.”  
“Are you sure, Chloe? You haven’t seemed like yourself lately and if I can help at all, I’d be happy to,” Finn said in a tone that made it clear that he was not going to pressure Chloe to do anything.  
“I, uh…okay, I guess,” Chloe began hesitantly as she tried to decide how would be best to proceed, “Can I ask ya a question, Finn?”  
“‘Course, Chloe.”  
“Okay…but first, promise that after I ask you the question, you won’t press me to give any more details or anything. Alright? This question is purely hypothetical, okay?”  
“Sure thing, you should only feel obligated to tell me whatever you want to tell me. So, what’s your question?”  
“Have you ever had a crush on someone you’re close with…like a close mate or whatever?” Chloe mumbled quietly, so Finn was just barely able to understand what she had said.  
“Yeah,”  
“And what did you do? To get over it or act on it or whatever?”  
“I made an arse of myself and decided to ask her out, even though I was afraid that she might not like me in the same way that I like her.”  
“How did you do that? Weren’t you afraid it would ruin your friendship?”  
“‘Course I was worried about that, but I don’t know…I guess I couldn’t stand to live with the sense of ‘what if’ anymore. I was finally able to admit to myself that I fancied her, but I needed to know for certain if she felt the same way or not.”  
Chloe nodded silently, considering what Finn had said, and remained quiet when Finn continued speaking, a bit quieter now.  
“I knew that she was my mate regardless and I didn’t want to lose her as a friend, so I decided that even if she didn’t see me as more than a mate, then I would put aside my feelings and just be her mate. It wouldn’t be easy for me, but I was willing to do it for her…for our friendship.”  
“I see…so, what happened when you asked her out?”  
“For some reason, she said yes!”  
“And did things work out alright? With your date and with her in general?”  
“I don’t really know yet, honestly, but I’m trying not to mess things up before I can know for sure.”  
Chloe nodded absently as what he said began to sink in, but when she made the connection, she gasped quietly.  
“You’re talking about Rae,” Chloe muttered mostly to herself.  
“Er, yeah…I guess I wasn’t being very subtle about it, huh?”  
Chloe looked across the table and noticed the way that Finn’s cheeks had tinted pink from embarrassment and he was nervously running one of his hands through the hair at the nape of his neck.  
“You really like her, huh?” Chloe asked despite already knowing the answer.  
“Yeah,” Finn said as he gave Chloe a shy smile and after a few moments, she returned the smile.  
“Well…thank you for answering my questions, Finn. I probably interrupted you on your way to meet the gang, huh?”  
“Oh, no, we aren’t meeting up today. Since we couldn’t get ahold of you to make plans and we didn’t want to exclude you, we just decided to hang out another day when we’re all free.”  
“Really? That’s really nice of you all!”  
“It’s nothing, really. It actually worked out perfectly because footie practice got moved from tomorrow afternoon to today. That’s actually where I was headed to before I saw you sitting here,” Finn said as he gestured toward his gym bag that he had been carrying.  
“Oh, I see! Well I don’t want to keep you any longer or make you later to practice than I already have, so I’ll let you go.”  
“Alright, Chloe, but really it was no trouble at all. Will we see you at lunch tomorrow or…?”  
“Uh, maybe…actually, yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow at lunch for sure.”  
“Great! I don’t know if talking to me at all helped you today or not, but you can ring me or the gang later if you still wanted to chat. We’ll all be happy to listen or give advice, if possible.”  
“Thanks Finn, I appreciate it,” Chloe replied with a genuine smile.  
Finn pulled Chloe in for a hug once they both stood from the table before releasing her and swinging his gym bag back over his shoulder and walking across the courtyard in the direction of the recreation fields for footie practice.  
Chloe pulled the straps of her backpack over her shoulders and began walking home, still trying to process all of the advice her friends had given her and trying to build up the courage to face Rae now that she felt as ready as she was ever going to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does posting 1000 words on this update for every month I’ve been MIA make up for how long I’ve been gone???? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


End file.
